we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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