Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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