they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
