i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
