I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
