2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
