I swear she didn't look like that last week.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
