just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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