it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
