Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a waste of cheezeits
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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