I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
