trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
