A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
