If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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