i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
