its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
