I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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