Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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