Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
