Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I wish I only lived at night.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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