i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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