I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
