If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
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I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
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Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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