i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Congratulations! We have a period
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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