We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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