hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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