Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
