Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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