And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
