We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
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I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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