I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
