You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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