"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
