Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
