So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize