im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
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Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
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Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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