Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
