Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
