it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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