I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
