Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
