dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
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Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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