Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
