hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
