Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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