nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
