the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
