please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
