On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
