went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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