What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
