she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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