I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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