I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
