Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
