i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
