just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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