New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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