i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
