She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
