there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize