meet me or not, i'm out of control
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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