i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
