so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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