Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
