A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
