lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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