Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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