so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
