i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
