about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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