I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
