i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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