my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
