that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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