I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
