yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Hippo gnu deer
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
